


abracadabra

by thescyfychannel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, M/M, Multi, and also near pizza death, warning for shit taste in movies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 18:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6530593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescyfychannel/pseuds/thescyfychannel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And you didn't even need to Google the fucking guide or anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	abracadabra

**Author's Note:**

  * For [muchlessvermillion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/muchlessvermillion/gifts).



    You didn’t really realize that you preferred a _type_ in guys until you got them into the same room. To be fair, your type in girls was something along the lines of “Smarter than me and could probably kick my fucking ass in a fight”, but you were also fairly sure that that was _everyone’s_ type in girls. At least. Everyone sensible.

    Still, it takes having them in the same shitty apartment to realize that Dave and Sollux are _indeed_ assholes of a feather, and you’re not entirely certain what that says about you and-slash-or your hypothetical taste in guys. You’re pretty sure it’s not good, possibly in all caps with multiple curse words interspersed.

    The fact that they seem to be sizing each other up is more worrying (and hot) than you’re willing to admit.

 

* * *

 

 

    Someone needs to write a guide. Someone probably _has_ written a guide, buried in the depths of deviantArt, someone’s middle school shame full of capslock, “omg so random!!!!”, and XD XD XD literally fucking everywhere. They’ve titled it HOW TO HANDLE HAVING BOTH YOUR BOYFRIENDS IN THE SAME ROOM AT ONCE XD XD. The caps are mandatory. The secondary title is probably some reference to whatever fandom they were in when they shat out that pièce de résistance. Possibly a mention of one of their anime boyfriendos or waifus. You’re not sure.

    The fact that you’re _still_ considering using some Google Fu to find that fucking guide ought to be an indicator of exactly _how_ deep down this shitty ass rabbit hole you are.

 

* * *

 

    So you’ve got both your sort-of boyfriends in the room at the same time, and they _seem_ to be done giving each other the pre-fight once over, and so far they haven’t moved on to the _actual_ fight. You’re going to take that as a good omen.

    You’ve also hidden literally every fucking mildly competitive video game you own, but we’re not going to go pointing fingers here. Not after the Great Mario Kart War of ‘16.

    The doorbell rings, and you nearly topple out of your seat in relief. Knowing the three of you could each put away a pizza over the course of a few hours meant there was no fuss over toppings, and right now, you were willing to count each and every one of the small blessings.

    You practically throw the money (plus tip, you’re not a heathen) at the poor delivery guy, scooping the pizzas up and neatly hooking the door with your foot to slam it behind you. “Who’s hungry?”

    Also, you’re reasonably sure this is the first time someone’s spoken since the introductions.

 

    Dave relieves you of the top pie and checks under the lid before passing it on to Sollux. Yours is the next one, and your nerves make you fumble the trade—time slows, and you get to watch your mushroom, ham, and olive pie tumble to the ground—Dave’s hand snaps out and snags the box, face up and everything, and he gives you the smuggest smirk.

    “Nice,” says Sollux, without even the slightest hint of sarcasm, and Dave offers him a fistbump. Somehow, you can breathe again.

 

* * *

 

    So you’re not sure what possessed you to suggest a _movie_ night, but it’s not going terrible? Scratch that, you know exactly what possessed you, you’re a romcom-loving movie nerd, and your _only_ claim to decency is that your taste in movies is _slightly_ less shit-awful than Egbert’s or English’s.

    You need better friends.

    Either way, the three of you narrow your choices down. _The Perfect Score_ , _Accepted_ , or _Hitch_. You’re fairly sure they’re attempting to butter you up when _Hitch_ is the unanimous choice of the night, but honestly, you’re not going to read too much into it. Besides, a romcom with Will Smith? Cinema doesn’t get much better than that.

    Also, you’re not sure if the ban on Sollux watching hacker movies is still in effect. To be fair, it _was_ high school, and you were all even _more_ shitty than you are now, but to be fair, you don’t doubt that he’d spend the entire movie shredding all of the characters and whispering “I’m in” every time someone opened a door.

    You still remember _Source Code_. You have _nightmares_ about watching _Source Code_. In the theaters. With Sollux Captor.

    A shudder runs down your spine, and Dave slings an arm around your shoulders, while Sollux leans against you _slightly_ more. You sort of resent that you’re shorter than the both of them, but at the same time, it’s sort of...nice, to have them looking after you.

 

    That’s another thing, you remember, just a bit late. Assholes of a feather, yeah, but they’re also probably the most caring people in their respective friend groups, and the giant one you’d all sort of mashed together post high school. Dave would, and _has_ , done just about anything for his friends, including driving approximately ten hours overnight to another  _state_ because someone had a bad breakup. Sollux, for all of his bluster and attitude, once called a teacher on the carpet so hard they _cried_ because they’d been consistently giving someone undeserved bad grades as a “punishment”.

    They _try_. That’s the common theme, you realize, they try even when they think it’s hopeless, they try even when they’re sure they’re going to fail, they’re the most fucking altruistic people that you’ve known in your entire life, and right now, you’re feeling all kinds of lucky to have them both here, and–

 

    And of-fucking-course you burst into tears. Of fucking course you have to get _emotional_ over something like this. Sollux swears and scoops you into a hug (you're a little startled, he usually pretends to be more fussy about snuggling), and while you’re not sure that Dave didn’t blur from moving so fast, he’s back with tissues and a blanket to throw over the three of you before you know it. Someone pauses the movie, and they settle you across both of their laps while you try to stifle the sniffles.

    It’s so _stupid_ , you think, while they talk over your head, trying to work out what _exactly_ upset you. You’ve known them for ages. You’ve all hung out in groups before. You’re not _entirely_ sure which past Karkat got you worked up into a frenzy of “but you’re dating _both_ of them now so it’ll be different and _horrible_ ”, but you’re going to invent time travel so you can go back and punch him.

    For now, you settle for wiping your stupid face off and kissing them _both_. Happy ending, just like that. Fucking _suck_ it, Duncan Jones.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Polyswap 2016 for this prompt:
> 
> "Solkat is one of my absolute favorite ship dynamics- I love the best friends turned lovers trope, and I am completely weak to these two assholes that care too much, caring too much together, about each other. So why not add another asshole who cares too much? They have a lot of similarities, these three; they're all sort of hung up on appearances and pretending (Dave pretends to be cool and unemotional, Karkat pretends he's not scared and sad, Sollux pretends he doesn't care) but when it comes down to it, they're all absolute suckers for their friends, and would do anything for them. They all shoulder such huge emotional burdens. Dave dies (despite hating blood and violence) for his friends, Karkat dies (and cries) for his friends, Sollux dies (or half-dies) for his friends- those are all things that happen in canon. They all really do care a lot about the people around them, and try to help, even if they're not always that good at it because they're losers. I think they could be good for each other, because they can all understand, and would love to see something about just a deep understanding and affection. Alternatively, the three of them all getting together would be super fun to see."


End file.
